My name is Fernando and I am a recovering addict.  I hope I am able to contribute to your recovery through my personal story that is available at My Recovery Page.  I am an individual who believes in the NA Way and hope you find the serenity and recovery that I have found in the NA Program.  It is all a matter of desiring ethical integrity into our lives.  Ethics is a blessing we addicts do acquire through proper positive thinking and recovery.  In speaking of ethics, about 2,600 years ago, Socrates expressed the belief that proper behavior contributes to individual happiness.  To find contentment, persons should pursue the truth, make their souls "as good as possible", and acquire knowledge of the "true good".  He summoned each individual to "know thyself."  A brief time later Plato characterized ethical behavior as praiseworthy action.  Shortly thereafter Aristotle asserted that it is ethical to do what is "right" and "good".  To be ethical, we must control our desires.

We have obviously dealt with the darkness that once ruled our souls and life.  Such darkness must not have any kind of room in our lives. At least, I hope it is the reason why you are reading this page.  No, I do not have all the answers!  What I have is the wisdom I have gain through my NA Program that I am sharing with you.

At this point, I like to briefly address how I apply the 12 Steps Program of Narcotics Anonymous into my personal recovery and my personal life.  The purpose of this brief overview is to show that I understand the program that I have chosen to help me live a clean lifestyle.  My lifestyle requires the need of analytical examination of the grounds of my beliefs and thinking patterns, for clear definitions of basic concepts, and the need for rational and critical approaches to my thinking process. 

In my recovery, the spiritual principles of Step One; consisting of honesty, open mindedness, willingness, humility, and acceptance, have been extremely critical in my desire to understand and grasp the concept of recovery.  The purpose of Step One was to take away the illusions about addition. To help me see addiction for what it is, "cunning" and deadly. 

Step two, replaces the emptiness and desperation I felt as an active addict.  At this point of my recovery, I have come to recognized the insanity of my addiction.  I also "came to believe" that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.  Step two gave me hope for my recovery.  This objective has been accomplished by focusing and applying to myself, the spiritual principles of open-mindedness, willingness, faith, trust, and humility while working with step two and throughout my recovery.  This step helps me fill the void felt when I completed Step One. 

Step three's central aim is to make a decision.  Before working on this step, it was essential that my heart and spirit be fully involved during the thought process.  This decision was crucial to my recovery!  The more fully I understood what I was about to do, the easier it become to embrace the changes that begun to take place in my life as a result of my step work. 

I have a clear and concise understanding of what the steps means by a "God", of my "Understanding", without any reservations.  This step required me to focus and apply to myself the spiritual principles of willingness, trust and faith. 

The fourth step requires that I call on all of the principles I have been practicing in the first three steps.  Step four is a painful and emotional step with healing results.  The purpose of taking my moral inventory is to deal with my past resentments through the meticulous examination of my feelings of guilt, shame and fear.  It also requires me to examine my relationships, so I can objectively understand which behaviors brought unhealthy outcomes into my lives and the lives of others.  To look deep into my soul. 

I reached Step five after I worked my four steps diligently, honestly and with an open mind.  I then became ready to admit to myself, to God and to another human being that I have an addiction; that I am an addict; that I needed help; and that there is a higher power that could help me. 

Making these admissions has brought about the spiritual growth connected with this Step.

In Step Six, I came to understand the meaning of "God" removing "all these defects of character."  This step often confuses many addicts.  Addicts expect "all" their shortcomings to go away.  This expectation is what brings many addicts to fall in their work with the step six. Step six's references to "all these defects of character", are references to those defects we have discovered to this point in our recovery, that have caused us to use drugs and have problems associated with drug addiction, such as stealing, etc.  That includes our awareness of our pattern of behavior towards our loved ones and society. 

To be successful in step six, I became aware of my defects and became tired of them, as well as, became entirely ready to let them go.  By the time I got to this point, I understood the spiritual principles of humility.  Step six took some time to fully work in my life.  One must know one's self, and be able to understand and accept that one's short comings are real despite of how painful they may be.  Perseverance, self-acceptance, faith and trust are the spiritual principles I kept in my mind and in my heart as I work with Step Six, as well as, commitment.

Step Six and Step Seven go hand and hand.  In Step Six I became "entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."  In Step Seven, I "humbly asked Him to remove" my "shortcomings".  The previous steps have all served to sow the seeds of humility in my spirit.  Through working the steps, I've been stripping away layers of denials, ego, and self-centeredness.  I have also been building a more positive self-image and practicing spiritual principles. 

Step eight, nine and ten go hand in hand.  Step eight speaks about making a "list" of those people I have harmed and encouraged me to make "amends".  Step nine is the culmination of step eight as I undertook to make the "amends" to those I had harmed.

The end result of having undertaken the principles of step eight and nine have been a spiritual reward for me and for many of those I had harmed.  I have never in my life done something as positive, and responsible as I did when I look into the eyes of those I had harmed, and was able to express my deepest apologies and sincerest remorse for the harm I caused them.

There were many tears shared through this period.  But the tears were no longer tears of pain and betrayal;instead, they were tears of appreciation, understanding, and thankfulness, because I was man enough to take responsibility for my actions, and was able to ask for forgiveness.  In some instances, I have gone as far as to compensate some of those individuals for the things I took from them.  The peace of mind and clear conscience I experienced is beyond words.

There are others that I owe amends to who are not around.  I do not expect everybody to forgive me of my pass actions, but I owe them and myself the dignity of closure to the pain I have caused.  I pray for the emotional healing for those I have harmed.

The undertaking of amends is a sensitive issue and has to be handled carefully.

Step ten is an every day maintenance step.  Step ten is used to create and maintain a continuous awareness of what I am feeling, thinking, and even more importantly, what I am doing. 

This means that every day, I must take as searching and moral inventory of myself; to assess how my program is working in my life, and the effect that I am having around my loved ones and others.  If the effects are negative and harmful, I must promptly admit my wrongs, immediately evaluate my actions through the steps, and correct my wrong doings. 

Through prayers and meditation, as directed by Step 11, I seek to improve my conscious contact with God as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.  This step helps to deal with frustrations when I am working with step 10, and as I encounter obstacles while taking my moral inventory of myself.  Many times the right thing to do clashes with my ego, but through prayer and meditation, I control my ego and do, to the best of my ability, what needs to be done; instead of doing what my ego and self will wants. 

I shared my program of recovery through the NA Program because I have amoral obligation to carry this message to the addict that still suffers, and to encourage them to apply the principles I have learned through the NA Program.  The success in my recovery has been honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness to overcome my addiction.  I am honest with myself and others. I keep an open mind to the opinion of more experienced addicts, and even to new comers.  I analyze criticism, and do not overlook harsh comments simply because I may not like them.  Open mindedness means open for evaluation.  I am willing to change set ways if such ways are counter productive.  This is the only way I can overcome some of my own "shortcomings".  This is my way  of fulfilling Step 12.

I do not proclaimed that working the steps is an easy task.  This task must be done on a daily basis. I an attest that working the 12 steps and the NA Program, makes life easier and productive for me, and is better than the alternative of the life that addiction brings.  NA works for me!

I realized that this is not an in depth analysis of my NA Program, but my purpose was to shed some light into the work of the Steps in my personal life. I hope you find it helpful.

Cordially,

Fernando

 "THE ENDS ARE ALWAYS THE SAME JAILS, INSTITUTIONS AND DEATH"