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Stephanie
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 A Servant's Task
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 Just Walk Across the Room...
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 newest ventures
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 Ashamed of HIM?
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 Sickly...
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 MISSING CHILD FOUND!!
 
Livin it One Day at a Time
" The life and experiences of a female alcoholic/addict. "
Blog URL: http://www.12stepspace.com/blogs/stephanie
Author: Stephanie
MISSING CHILD FOUND!!
Posted on: 07/20/2008
 Megan has been found, was in the hospital and is okay!!  She was tired, dirty, bruised, but okay!!  Her mom & Aunt said they believe she had an angel on her shoulder!  Thanks for all your prayers for Megan!  All praises to God!!!  God is soo Awesome!!
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URGENT-YOUR HELP NEEDED! MISSING CHILD!
Posted on: 07/12/2008

 

newhair2[1] The picture is Megan Wight. She disappeared on July 7th, 2008 from Stockton, California 95202. Megan just turned 16 in March. Megan is listed with the police as Missing. This is the most recent photo they have of her - she changes her hair - Megan is 5'5" tall and weighs 115 pounds.
Please forward this picture and request to everyone you know. Megan is the daughter of a friend of mine and we are searching for her. Please keep Megan and her family in prayer. Her mother, Kimber, would like to know that Megan is alright.
If you have seen Megan or if you do see Megan please, please, please call the police and tell them that she is missing from Stockton, California- zipcode 95202- and where you last saw her....try to get a description of who she is with. Also please respond to this posting and I will forward it to Kimber, Megan's mother.
We are praying Megan is alive and healthy. Please pray for her protection.
Thanks for your help,
Stephanie

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-JJqzj_ojfrBZjPicfPrcUY8SVWys

 

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Alcoholics Anonymous - one hand lifted to another - a timeless program
Posted on: 04/14/2008


Sometime in the early 1990's I was treating a woman in an intensive outpatient chemical dependency group. Let's call her 'Grace.' Grace was a flight attendant and had been suspended from her job with a major airline due to her untreated alcoholism. She had been stealing the little miniature liquor bottles and drinking in airport bars in uniform, etc. Her employer, realizing she needed treatment sent her to us.

After the eight week program, I suggested to her it might be a good idea to solidify her foundation in recovery before returning to work as she would be working in a high-risk environment (serving alcohol, being out of town alone, etc. ). Grace did, however, return to work shortly after completing outpatient treatment. One day while she was departing from a plane at the end of long day a major craving for alcohol overpowered her. There she was, in the Los Angeles International Airport pulling her roller-bag behind her when this massive craving to drink came over her. She tried to just 'think through it,' or 'just forget about it,' but it was way too powerful. It was so powerful, in fact, that she had resigned to herself that she would just go drink. Grace thought, Oh, heck with it, I'll get another job; or maybe no one will find out anyway.' But deep down inside Grace did not want to drink. She truly had wanted to stay sober, but she was in trouble.

On her way to the bar in the airport, Grace had a moment of sanity. She stopped, picked up the airport paging phone and said, “Will you please page friends of Bill W.,” she paused, quickly looking around for an empty gate, “to come to Gate 12?”

Within minutes, over the paging system in the LA International Airport came, “Will friends of Bill W. please come to Gate 12. Will friends of Bill W. please come to Gate12.” Most people in recovery know that asking if you are a friend of Bill W. is an anonymous way to identify yourself as a member of AA.

In less than five minutes there were about fifteen people at that gate from all over the world. That brought tears of amazement, relief and joy to Grace. They had a little meeting there in that empty gate, total strangers prior to that moment. Grace discovered that two of those people had gotten out of their boarding lines and missed their flights to answer that call for help. They had remembered what they had seen on many walls of meeting rooms: 'When anyone, anywhere reaches out their hand for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there and for that I am responsible.’

Grace did not drink that day. I would venture to guess that none of the people who came to Gate 12 drank that day either. Instead Grace had a moment of sanity, realized she could not do it on her own, took the action of asking for help and received it immediately. This help is available to all of us if we want it and sincerely ask for it. It never fails.
*********************

This is pretty true of AA.  I have witnessed many instances of this kind of thing happening many times during the years I've been a member. 

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Sickly...
Posted on: 03/19/2008

Haven't been on for a while, but am still clean & sober.  Have moved back to Indy, hit a few meetings, came down with what I thought was the flu but has turned into strep throat.  Am on antibiotics for it and hoping it won't last long.  They offered me something for pain, but knowing staying clean & sober is my priority, I said no.

 God is good, and staying sober & clean rocks!

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Waiting with faith ...
Posted on: 01/23/2008

How many times in a person's life do hardships appear and try to sweep the rug out from under their feet?

How many times did Job face trails and tribulations?

How often must I walk around with my heart broken, my world shattered from what I think it should be?

How many times did Jesus have his heart broken and his world shattered?

How many times does life on life's terms tornado through and rip all peices of what could have been a happy life only to find it scattered and shredded in debris with missing peices not to be rebuilt in the same way?

How many years did Moses wander the desert wanting to experience the promised land but never making it there and yet, remaining faithful to God Almighty?

How many prayers with tears steaming down my face should I offer up to God, expressing the feelings of my heart and soul?

Psalms is full of similar cries to our LORD, in prayer, in anguish and in hopes.

So then why should I not be able to wait with faith like those in the Psalms? Like our Lord? Like Job? Like Moses?

Oh, because I am being impatient...well then I will cease being impatient and begin to wait upon the LORD because truly I love the LORD and want to serve Him always. I will instead try to give Him thanks in all things because I know that all things will work to the good for them who love the Lord and who are called according to His purpose.

I will instead look for lessons He might be showing me in each adversity that would help me be a better person, walk a better walk with Him or help someone else because of the victory of overcomming that hurt, look for blessings wrapped up in storm clouds, and see the glimmer of hope in the ray of sunshine beaming down from the heavens. I will raise my eyes to the heavens and give Him raises!

Glory, glory, my Lord saved me. Glory, glory, He has set me free.

Praises to Him who created us! Praises to Him to loves us and gives us mercy & grace!

AND GUESS WHAT?????  I DIDN'T PICK UP A DRINK OR A DRUG SO FAR!!  24 HRS AT A TIME!

HE'S AN AWESOME GOD!!  I LOVE THE 2ND & 3RD STEPS!  WHOOOOHOOO!!!!

 

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Life goes on and sometimes changes in ways we never thought ...
Posted on: 01/17/2008

Life goes on...sometimes not how we pictured it to be...

Life is to be savored

 

My life has changed just recently - I resigned from working at The Salvation Army. Life was becomming a race, an existance, but not being enjoyed, not having time to remain in the word enough, or to do the things I believed that God had called me to do. A good friend in the ministry once said to me recently - "If you have to struggle so hard at it, maybe it's not where God has called you." I knew then that they were probably right, but had to experience all that I had to experience to make the final decission.  I took a leap of faith that I knew was going to cost me materialistically, leaving me with no car, no furniture, no home of my own, no kitchenware or utincils, no health insurance, not much of anything because I gave all that up to go to The Salvation Army. But, I know that God will provide for me again.  All things in His time. 

It is time for me to change my life and go back to doing ministry without being under the umbrella of TSA.  I'm not saying The Salvation Army is bad - it just wasn't where God wanted me to be. 

It's going to take a little time to recover the emotional, mental and spiritual health that I had before, but I have faith that it will come back.

I moved back to Indianapolis and plan to stay here until God calls me elsewhere.

May the LORD have His way over my life.

May the LORD bless YOU where ever you are and may He show you where He wants you to be. May you be obedient to where ever that is. May it bring you much joy and peace in your life.

I will wait upon the LORD now, for His leading in my life.

Thanks for being a friend...

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Ashamed of HIM?
Posted on: 10/06/2007

You know, it's somehow not right. The one who created us, the one who gave us life...the one who watches over us and helps us even when we make a mess, make bad choices, destroy our lives, destroy our relationships, land our selves in the worst of situations or spots, and yet most people in today's society, tend to cringe when someone speaks about God on their page or ours.

I have gone to websites that hold nothing at all about God, that speak of sex, craziness, wicca, turmoil, dieting, fights, paintball, alcohol, drugs, movies, and more and the friends list is huge on those sites. Especially when sex is mentioned. Yet, look at the friends lists of those who speak of right living or of God compared to those who speak of sex, or all that other stuff and the ones who are trying to encourage right living or God, have smaller friends lists and less viewers.

Funny the Bible speaks about this phenomena, in 2 Peter 3: 2-4

2That ye may be mindful of the words which were spoken before by the holy prophets, and of the commandment of us the apostles of the Lord and Savior:

3Knowing this first, that there shall come in the last days scoffers, walking after their own lusts,

4And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.

Oh, I remember well when I was living in the world how much I didn't want to listen to the word of God, and I didn't want to listen to a sermon...because I was not ready to turn around my life and live differently. I didn't see that I was doing anything so wrong.

Now today, living clean & sober, and trying my best to live right, I see that I never want to return to that old way of living. I was chasing a quick fix to how I felt. I always searched out things that offered a quick solution to "feel good". Sex, drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, adrenaline rushes, and I could go on... It really WASN'T a quick fix, it was prolonging the inner stuff I wanted to change, the mental attitude I didn't like to last longer because I wasn't dealing with it. I was stuffing it, burying it, hiding it, masking it, covering it and living behind a facade of what was really going on. I didn't want to face reality. I just didn't realize it. Back then, life didn't feel "normal" or right unless I had something to alter how I felt about it.

I had tons of excuses... I needed to relax, needed to have something to calm me down, something to keep me going so I could work, needed to have what I needed...something to make me feel better, needed blah, blah, blah.... excuses by the dozens...

There wasn't anything wrong with God, it was me that had the problem. The bigger question was what was wrong with how I was living that made God a problem for me? Talk about a vampire being afraid of garlic or a cross...that was me. A vampire living off of wrong living and not able to stand in the light of what was right.

It sure appears that God isn't too popular today, it appears that we as people don't want to do what is right, what is noble, what is good, we just want to do our own thing. Hmmm, matches 2Peter 3:3, doesn't it?

I doubt if many people read this, and doubt if may people might even see it, I tend to talk about God a lot. I talk about how He changed my life. How my life has improved because of Him. People don't want to talk about God today. Things that are wild and crazy...sure. Things that help and improve our lives...not so much or not at all.

I pray that changes. Meanwhile, I'll still be visiting the pages with the smaller amount of friends, the ones who proclaim God's good works. The ones who give Him praises and who speak of His forgiveness. He's more than enough to me.

 

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newest ventures
Posted on: 10/05/2007

I have tons of things all going on at the same time.

 I'm trying to loose weight and have realized how many times my MIND says I'm hungry when my body isn't.  (oh, the battle of the mind...the biggest war we'll ever fight....) but, I am seeing some good results and am happy for that.  Especially realizing it's my mind that says I'm hungry, not my body.  Really, is the mind ever satisfied with enough?  LOL!  Maybe when we win that battle?  Prayer and vigilance.

 Next, I'm trying to put together a couple of fundraisers for my job and for the social services we do...that's a big project...

 After that comes in the regular work, one person doing 3 people's work...not easy, but sure keeps me occupied! 

 Add in a building that needs much repair and changes...many have already started and are moving along.  Many many more to go.

 Then trying to squeeze in time for family & friends.  Oh, not an easy task.  Staying on the telephone often...trying to drive more than a hour or more to visit there and more than a hour's journey home. 

Things to keep in prayer...things to keep moving forward to.  I'm not the woman I want to be yet, but PRAISE GOD, I'm not the woman I used to be. 

 

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Just Walk Across the Room...
Posted on: 08/30/2007
While in Colorado, I was introduced to a new book, and a whole new philosophy. Instead of coming at someone for not living a Christian life, and instead of instantly blurting out all of my beliefs, to just talk to them the way Christ did.

As I read the book I studied it over and over. Some people read the the entire book in two days, I read a couple of chapters a day. I re-read those same chapters, over and over. Some sentences over and over...they sunk in, they brought memories or convictions, tears came forth, prayer began over and over...answers came, thought and meditation enveloped my days and nights.

I was amazed at the content of the book and at the harshness I had been living my life, coming at people instead of loving them and letting God do His work. I wanted to fix people, rather than to lead them to God as God made it possible and to let Him do as He chose in their lives.

Call it little faith, lack of faith, panic, or what ever you choose, but what ever it was, I was brought into a new way of thinking. A christian who could step out in faith and go everywhere, talk to anyone, not shunning them for their attire, their language, their lifestyle, but to just love them and accept them. To cultivate a loving relationship with people. To bring the people to Christ.

What a prospect. Just love. Just faith in God.

I can't wait to read the book again.

Love & hugs,
Stephanie
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Changes ~
Posted on: 08/28/2007

 

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

I haven't been blogging much, have had lots to do and not felt so well. Came back and caught/got a bad sinus infection.

Have been thinking of a lot of different things...who I am, who I want to be, how I behave and how I want to behave...things I say, things I don't want to say...that kind of thing. It's not that I'm beating myself up...it's just that I see room for improvement. And I probably always will. Sometimes I wonder if I'll just be trading one bad trait for another, work on one, ignore the other without meaning to...and then trade off again.

Practicing agape love is not so easy at times...then yet again it is. Sometimes, just for moments at a time, it's difficult for me to separate the behavior from the person...then within a few moments, I recall that I love the people, I just don't like the action. That goes for me too. I love me...I just don't like some of my thoughts or words or actions.

On the other hand, if I look back to who I was when I was living my old live of drinking and drugging and running amuck, I have changed drastically and have become a new creation. My behavior is 100% better than it was then. Sometimes it's good to focus forward and sometimes it's good to look back to see where we've been.

You know, yesterday I was talking with a very new friend, and also with a very dear friend of mine, who is probably one of the sweetest, most loving, compassionate but yet kick you in your behind if you need it kind of friends...and as I was talking & listening, we were getting to know each other better and we were describing how we all found The Salvation Army. Both of them knew of the Army life long...and I didn't. I was kind of embarrassed (okay - honesty - I was very embarrassed) to say that I lived a life of drugs and alcohol and craziness, and was 42 before I turned my life completely over to the LORD.

I was just tired. Tired of all the pain and chaos and destruction that alcohol and drugs brought. Then I surrendered and got clean & sober and a friend led me to The Salvation Army first to work. Then I started going to the worship there and became a Soldier. A couple of years later...I volunteered to go on a mission to El Salvador...while I was in El Salvador, the Major there, (called Mayor Mayorga - spanish for Major Majorga) gave several talks with us...and in those sessions his words sunk in. I could feel what God was saying to me, I could tell what God was saying to me and what HE wanted me to do. It was clear. I didn't tell anyone then, but when I got back to the States, there was a group of about 7 Officers from Headquarters to greet us and I told them then what I felt called to do. I wanted to be an Officer for The Salvation Army.

Things started progressing in that direction, and then I was given a dream (I have always had many precognitive/premonition dreams) that I was to take my uniform off. Oh, that hurt. I was torn by the dream, trying to figure out why this had happened? Was something trying to stop the works of God by having me take off my uniform? Was something trying to squelch the spirit? Was it truly God saying don't go? Was I to obey? I was so mixed up. I prayed daily - beseeched God's leading, His answers to this...I was so confused. What do I do now??? I kept asking. But meanwhile, I obeyed the dream and hung my uniform in my closet. That was a really difficult thing to do, because I had given away over 90% of my civilian clothing because I didn't think I would need it anymore - as an officer 60 - 70% of my life would be spent in uniform (at least that's the way I was thinking of it.) So hanging up my uniform and going back to civilian clothing meant I had about 3 -4 outfits to wear period.

Twice I went to the closet and put on my uniform, and both times was struck by a feeling of wrong doing, so I took it off and hung it back up. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it or to resign as a Soldier. My Corps Officer told me that I didn't have to wear a uniform to continue being a good Soldier and he said that maybe someone who wouldn't listen to a uniform needed to hear what I had to say - that maybe this was why God had me take it off. I liked his idea, and continued on in spite of not having a uniform. I wrote my superior a letter explaining why I was not going to pursue the road to Officership, and exactly as what had happened in my dream, she cried. That confirmed the dream to me as being from God. I had and was still shedding tears over the loss of my hopes of being an Officer. That was in 2005.

I continued doing outreach I had started downtown, for the homeless and for those who were like I used to be - addicted to about anything...and our group grew from starting off with 3 people, (then one of the 3 - no, it wasn't me- went back out) to having 50 - 70 people daily in our group, and over 200 people when we had a speaker event.

In 2006, my former Officer at work moved to Africa and a new Officer came. At first I was concerned....would she like my work? Would she be okay with my zany personality? Would she be quiet, reserved and harsh or would she be open and friendly? She was/is very nice. Open & friendly, loving and yet able to take charge...God knew it was going to be alright. All during this time, (2007) I had been asking God still, what He wished for me to do, and asking Him if I was ever called to be an Officer again, if He would give me a sign out of the blue that it was okay to put back on my uniform. For two years, nothing...then suddenly...yes...out of the blue...my boss came to me and asked me for help. She needed someone to attend a meeting downtown and to take minutes and be the Representative for The Salvation Army there....would I go. I said I would. Then, she says that I need to wear my uniform! I didn't and still don't think she even KNEW I had a uniform! I can only wonder how shocked my face looked that day...I was scared and excited in the same moment. Was this it?? Was this the moment I'd been waiting for? I didn't know...but I was excited to find out. I was so afraid that I would go to my closet and put on the uniform and then be hit with that same wave of wrong doing that I would have to hang it back up and go to the meeting in civilian clothing - disappointing her and myself...but, when it came to that day, I put on the uniform (kind of surprised it still fit after 2 years!) and listened, tried to sense...nothing. No waves of wrong doing. No ill feelings. I was jubilant!!! YES! I could wear my uniform again!!! Hurray!!!

I went to the meeting and took the notes then reported back to DHQ of the needs for our commitments for this event. That Sunday, for the first time in 2 years, I wore my uniform to Corps again. I was so happy! I was satisfied with just having on my uniform, see...for me...it signifies MUCH that I believe in. A life of being Clean & Sober, a life of helping others, a life of abstinence from pornography - even to the point of turning your head away if you see nudity or a lack of Christian values anywhere..., a life spent following our LORD, and trying to walk in His will. Even though in my heart, I wanted more, I was happy with what I was given back.

Then one day my boss asked me to lunch. We were sitting, chatting, and as we chatted she asked me to tell her what happened during the time I wanted to be an officer. I explained it all to her the best I could. Honestly, there are times when I am not good with words at all, but let me write...and somehow the words flow.

Anyway, as we spoke about all of that, she began to me of a need they had for me to take a position as an Envoy. She described the need, and the details a bit, and I could feel my spirit soar. As she talked the excitement built, my spirit almost lept with joy. She said I could have some time to think about it and pray about it. I told her I knew I didn't need to. I told her that I knew in my heart that this is what I was to do. Honestly, later I did pray about it to be sure that it wasn't just me...that I wasn't jumping the gun and that this was where God wanted me to be. But there were obstacles to overcome. My children...what would they say? This would mean a move pretty far from them...and I knew, they were not going to like this...in fact, I could see their reactions already...

I called the three of them and asked them to meet with me, we all sat down and I explained the scenario to them. After I was finished I waited to see my daughter in tears, my youngest son sit expressionless and my older son get up and go outside slamming the door then standing outside until he cooled off. Yet, that didn't' happen. All three of them were smiling! All three of them were saying how happy they were for me that they believed this was a God thing and God was using me.

I almost fell off my chair!! I was so shocked! It HAD to be God! No other explanation! After that, one by one, obstacles faded, were moved, or were overcome - one by one, by God's hand. Pathways were made clear, hurdles were passed, and soon, I was Envoy.

My life in the past was far from perfect. Here is a girl who was raised in a home filled with alcohol, parties, abuse, and heartbreak, then became an alcoholic and addict herself trying to escape the pain of the past - and now, God had changed me so much to allow me to be a useful, productive part of society and a help to others. Can I understand when someone else is living a crazy life? Oh, yeah...been there...did that. Everyone has to write their own story to live and they have to be the ones holding the pen. I can't hold it for them.

Yes, I'm not the woman I want to be, but Praise God, I'm not the woman I USED to be!

As for the sinus infection? This too shall pass. I'll just let go and let God.

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Trip to Colorado...
Posted on: 08/22/2007
 I Only a small portion of The Castle at Glen Eyriewent to Glen Eyrie, (Colorado Springs, Colorado), for an Evangelism Seminar with The Salvation Army that was to be spectacular...and it was.

I'd always wanted to go to Colorado, and when I was asked to take part in this seminar, I quickly agreed. I had no idea what would happen there, no idea that my life was about to change yet again - forever.

When I arrived the first night, my first concern was to keep on track with the schedule aligned for us and to make it to the meetings on time. My second concern was my diet and to be sure in that for safe guarding against getting cheese without my knowing it and to stay away from meats too. (Tons of allergies..) Anyway, I gave my request at the registration desk and the woman there took me to meet the chef immediately. He told me to ask at every meal for a vegetarian meal and he would have one ready for me. And he did. Each one was more tasty than I've had either ever or in years and I began to feel very pampered! LOL! What a wonderful treat!

Of course, add to those wonderful meals, eating in a CASTLE (a real castle), and being waited on like royalty...how can you not feel pampered??? I will include quite a few links, each one being a link to a folder of pictures from the Glen Eyrie experience. The picture you see above is only a small portion of the castle...there is much more than that to it behind on the right and on the left side into the trees.... just incredible...

The sessions for the seminar were spectacular! Each one teaching lessons that I pray never to forget.

I had a roommate named Veronica...she was a very sweet lady, we chatted about family, friends, our stay there, how beautiful it was there...and more...

I met so many new people from all over...and instantly fell in love with them all. They are soo sweet.

The first night there, our National Commander, Israel Gaither, was there and between his message and the whole worship service, there was such an outpouring of the Spirit, you could feel the presence of the Lord in the room. How awesome it was. And day after day, it was there...pouring on us and in us...filling us with love, peace, refreshing us, restoring us, giving us His blessings. Hands were up in the air everywhere, tears were pouring down every face - not in sorrow...in cleansing of the Spirit...in overwhelming of the filling of the Spirit...in overwhelming filling of love...more than a third came to the altar for prayer...the songs were heartfelt and all the voices blended together giving a glimpse of what heaven might sound like when our Lord is praised there in song... how I wish I could have caught each one of those moments in picture form...but at least I have them embedded in my heart.

The classes after the sessions added to the things we had read or learned and embedded them in our minds deeper, provoked thought, ideas, reconcilliation for some...

Every single room of the Castle we went to, every lodge building, every coffee shoppe, book store, lounge, bathroom, and patio- all were spectacular works of art that spoke of the beauty of the Castle and the area of Glen Eyrie.

The mountains loomed in the very near area, rock formations all over, wildlife scampered or flew overhead...cameras flashed often, ...mine sure did...and in the end...the very end...I found heartbreak. The last day there, people started coming up to me to say goodbye, or rather, "I hope to see you again soon, but if I don't, I'll see you in heaven." Hugs were exchanged and my heart felt heavy one after the other as they departed.... They had became my friends, my family...and now it was time to say, "see you someday..."

Oh, how I wish we'd had a picture of all of us...all together, at Glen Eyrie... but, I sure have a lot of mix and match pictures!

What a wonderful wonderful experience! If you ever have the chance to go to Glen Eyrie with The Salvation Army.....GO!!! You'll never know what you missed! It was awesome!!

Here's the links to the pictures of the Castle, the wildlife, the people, the siminars, just a few of the rooms, a couple of the lodges, just a small portion of the castle, and as much of the atmosphere as I could get of the whole experience....including a trip to Pikes Peak. If any of the links will not work for you, please let me know so I can try to fix it. Bless you!

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Cog%20Train%20to%20Pikes%20Peak/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20-%20Castle%20and%20Ground/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20pt%202/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20Pt%203/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20Pt%204/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20Pt%205/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20pt%206/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Seminar%20at%20Glen%20Eyrie/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Walking%20across%20the%20room%202007/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Wildlife%20at%20Glen%20Eyrie/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Glen%20Eyrie%202007%20Castle%20and%20Trip%20to%20Airport/

http://s181.photobucket.com/albums/x145/Rev_Stephanie/Trip%20Home/

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Excitement!
Posted on: 08/05/2007

Excitement!

happy sad These last couple of weeks have kept my emotions bouncing all over!  LOL!  Lots of interesting things have happened.  I met a new friend, and she has helped to encourage, bring laughter, and share bits of her life with me. 

I have been visiting my daughter, son-in-law and grandchildren....which makes me very happy!  My daughter is a sweetheart, so is her husband, and my granddaughters....well, you KNOW they have my heart too!  My granddaughter, Marianna, cried because I left!  I don't want to see her cry...but it made me feel good that she has bonded with me like that!  I didn't get to see Samantha...

I missed getting to see my son, Travis, but out of the blue, when I got home, later that night, the first time in a long time, he called me just to say he loved me.  That was so sweet and so unexpected.  It really made my heart glad.  I didn't get to see my future daughter-in-law, or my other granddaughters.  Hopefully another time soon!

I didn't get to see my son, Jacob, and I hope I can sometime in the near future.  Sounds like I'm just going to have to create a reunion!  Or a BBQ.  Since I'm a veggie...I will have to get some of those veggie burgers or a veggie hot dog and let them have their non veggie stuff.  LOL!  I could eat beans, but I don't think I can get them to stay on the grill.  It's kinda hard to get each bean to stay on the metal wires for the BBQ.... LOL!

I have grown closer to some of the friends I have made here, and am seeing the beautiful people they are.  For some it's each e-mail they send, or it might be time spent at dinner or a movie...time after worship in choir, chatting for a moment on the phone, a project at the Corps, or some I've met through the community.... has all been a wonderful way to get to know them and love them. 

I am soon to go to Colorado Springs, Colorado...and am soooo excited.  I am looking forward to the area, the educational venture, the spiritual aspect, the whole thing!!  I have never been to Colorado before and this makes it so much more exciting!  I have heard there is a castle nearby...that looks like this one... Interesting!

Glen Eyrie

I know parts that we will be in, will be at high altitude...I'm not much on heights, but...sometimes...not always...I love a challenge.  I guess I'll know the answer to that when I'm there!  I don't freak out when I'm frightened, I just cope and PRAY!!!  LOL!  Seriously I do. 

One time, on the way to El Salvador, we were riding on a little 50 passenger plane, and it was shaking, and rattling, and hitting some turbulence...and I'd never been in a plane that small before...so I was a little rattled on my own.  I just started praying and watched out the window.  Pretty soon, as time went on, I calmed down...noticing nothing bad was happening..so I was enjoying the view out the window. 

Okay, enough of my rambling...I hope you have a GREAT day!!!  God bless you!!

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A Servant's Task
Posted on: 07/31/2007

Max Luccado wrote another great book called A Gentle Thunder, that gave me in a moments glance my sermon for this past Sunday. All I had to see was but a tiny part...it was as if I had been directed to it by the Holy Spirit. I don't know if it was for the congregation, but it sure was for me. They said they loved it, so perhaps it was for all of us. http://www.xanga.com/Amazon/Click.aspx?asin=0849943248&user=28862558

I'd like to share the sermon with you....here it is ...


“A Servant's Task”

John 13:1-17
Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.


And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon's son, to betray Him, Jesus knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded. Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord are You washing my feet?”


Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.” Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet.” Jesus said to him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with me.” Simon Peter said to Him, “Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head!” Jesus said to him, “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet, but is completely clean; and you are clean, but not all of you.” For He knew who would betray Him; therefore He said, “You are not all clean.” So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than is master, nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.

Heavenly Father as my words are true to your Word, may they be taken to heart, but should my words happen stray from Your Will here today, may they be quickly forgotten. Thy Will not mine be done, Through Christ Jesus our Lord. Amen.

The scripture we just heard speaks of love, service, forgiveness, compassion and choosing humility. We know His words speak truths. Some are greater than we can conceive in our daily readings of scripture. Let's ponder those scripture verses a few moments. Keep your eyes open or close them as you wish as I describe for you the following scenes. Allow you mind to carry you to that moment, with the disciples as they watch Jesus preparing to wash their feet unknown to them beforehand.

He doesn’t speak. He removes his robe and takes the servant’s wrap off of the wall. Taking the pitcher, he pours the water into the basin. He kneels on the floor before them with the basin and sponge and begins to wash. The towel that covers his waist is also the same towel that dries their feet.


It’s not right.


Isn’t it enough that these hands will be pierced in the morning? Must they scrub grime tonight? And the disciples … do they deserve to have their feet washed? Their affections have waned; their loyalties have wavered. One will deny you, not once but three times. One will accept 30 coins to allow you to be imprisoned and crucified. The rest will bicker, argue and how many will continue on their disciple's journey no matter what the cost?


Look around the table, Jesus. Out of the twelve, how many will stand with you in Pilate’s court? How many will share with you the Roman whip? And when you fall under the weight of the cross, which disciple will be close enough to spring to your side and carry your burden?
None of them will. Not one. A stranger will be called because no disciple will be near.
Don’t wash their feet, Jesus. Tell them to wash yours.


That’s what we want to say. Why? Because of the injustice? Because we don’t want to see our King behaving as a servant? Jesus on his hands and knees, his hair falling about his face as he leans forward to hold the foot he is cleansing? The foot covered with dust and dirt from the streets. Sweat from the heat of the day meshed into the dust and dirt, caking on the disciple's foot, streaking across the Saviors hands as he lifts their feet. No Jesus, no, you don't have to do this. Do we object because we don’t want to see God washing feet?


Or do we object because we don’t want to do the same? Remember what he said, as he goes about this task, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, The servant is not greater than his Lord; neither he that is sent greater than He that sent him.”


Watch Jesus as he goes from disciple to disciple. Can you see him? Listen, can you hear the water splash? Can you hear him shuffle on the floor dragging the basin person to person? Hold that thought....


John 13:12 says, “When he had finished washing their feet …”


Please note, he finished washing their feet. That means he left no one out. Why is that important? Because that also means he washed the feet of Judas. Jesus washed the feet of his betrayer. He gave his traitor equal attention. In just a few hours Judas’s feet would guide the Roman guard to Jesus. But at this moment they are caressed by Christ. That’s not to say it was easy for Jesus. That’s not to say it is easy for you or me. That is to say that God will never call us to do what he hasn’t already done. Jesus set the example of how to care for one another, unselfishly, lovingly, with compassion and even to those who would betray us without difference in our actions. He not only preached with words, but with the way he lived daily.


Mathatma Gahndi once said that a woman came to him asking him for help. She described her son who was diabetic and who was eating sugar and sweets and becoming very ill but yet would not stop eating sweets or sugars no matter how much she objected. “Would you tell him he has to stop? He won't listen to me, but if you tell him, I know he will stop.” She asked Gahandi. Gahandi replied to her, “Take your son home, and bring him back to me in one week.” The lady was disappointed, but she went home and in one week she came back and bringing her son before Gahandi. Gahandi laid his hands upon the boy's shoulders and said to him, “Stop eating sugar and sweets. You know it isn't good for you. You must stop.” “Okay.” Replied the boy. The mother questioned Gahandi, “Why did you tell me I had to leave and come back in a week and then just now you laid your hands upon him instantly and told him to stop eating sweets?” Gahandi replied to her, “That was because until you asked me to help your son, I had been eating sugars also.” Leading by example.


Can you show love, compassion, kindness and forgiveness to those who have betrayed you? To those who have murmured against you? Who have caused harm to you? Can you wash their feet?


How my heart breaks each time I remember back to how dirty God's hands must have become when he reached down soiling his hands to lift me out of the mire I was in while I lived in the world. Did his hair fall about his face? Did the dirt of my alcoholism and addictions stain his hands?


How many of us deserve to have our feet washed? How many of us would want to see the caked on dirt from our feet stain the Savior's hands? Have we bathed? Are we clean and needing only our feet washed? Or do our hearts, minds and mouths need washed also?


At Pilgrimage, I realized I needed to stay walking with Jesus. I arrived at my cabin, went in to a room containing five beds and a desk. I chose a bed, and hung my clothing on the hooks provided on the wall. Walking back to the bed, I noticed the pillow. Not a fine specimen of a pillow. This pillow had lumps of foam in it, knobby and bunched. The outside of the pillow covering was dirty and stained. I looked at the other beds. One or two had the same lumpy pillow, but two had a better pillow looking almost new. I reached over grabbing the better pillow and swapping it with mine. I Just as it plopped on my bed, I realized what that meant. Someone else was going to get that lumpy pillow. Why was it okay for them to have it, but not okay for me? Jesus had washed the feet of the disciples. Surly I could bear having a lumpy pillow. I traded pillows once again and put the lumpy pillow back on my bed. A small price to pay. Barely equal to washing a toe. Would I have done the same had I known someone who would betray me would sleep there?


What did Jesus mean when he said “He who is bathed needs only to wash his feet?” Was he talking literally or figuratively? Could he have meant that after Salvation we need to work at keeping the daily debris from our spiritual bodies? Things that would cake to our spiritual feet as we walked through our days.


In Jesus' example to wash one another's feet, could His example mean not only the lowliest of tasks is what we should help one another with, but also to forgive the lowliest of betrayal? Some of that betrayal can come from our own selves. At times, we can be our own worst enemy.


Thomas à Kempis said, “Who has a harder fight - than he - who is striving to overcome himself.” In the moment when I wanted to take that pillow and keep it for myself, as opposed to remembering that the discipline of self denial to battle against self-centered ego, I am loosing the war of overcoming myself. It is when I focus on foot washing others, especially the worst, that I come closer to overcoming self.


If Jesus were to kneel before us today, what sins would he wash from our feet? Pride, ego, abandonment, unforgiveness, gossiping, judgementalness, racism, murmurings, deceit, lust, betrayal, division, dissention, or others? Would the dust of not taking enough time to pray, not taking enough time to study His word, caring what the world thinks of our relationship with Him, or doing things in secret be on our feet? Do we take time to wash the feet of those near us who need our help in many different ways? The thought I'd like to leave you with,.....Are we greater than the Master? Are we greater than He who created us?

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My favorite Night...
Posted on: 07/27/2007

Sabbath night

One of my most favorite nights of all is Sabbath. Every Sabbath that I can, I leave all the lights off, light candles, read and relax. It's a special night, to just enjoy a peaceful night that God gives. I try hard not to do anything from Friday dusk to Saturday after "high noon". It just makes a great rest period, and only adds to my whole week of a time to regather, rejuvenate, refuel and bask in the peace of those hours. What a nice time to enjoy...to be thankful. To give Him praises. It's a nice to think that our Savior probably had candles lit on Friday nights too....he could have enjoyed seeing them flicker and their beauty as much as I do. I wonder if my children remember all the Sabbaths we had together as a family? Do they ever think of those? Shabbat Shalom....

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By His grace - just for today
Posted on: 07/26/2007

Today has been a pretty tough day.  But then, it's been tough for a while.  Today was more intense, more burdensome, and more spiritually damaging than it has been for a while - like the 'ol dragon coming in for the kill.  Yet, my first thoughts were not to turn to alcohol or drugs, in fact, I haven't even thought of it until I began writing this blog - and then it still wasn't a thought other than to say it wasn't a thought.  That is progress!  That is recovery.  That is being recovered in action. 

 By His grace -just for today - other than breaking down when everyone left and I had some alone time, and turning these battles over to the One who can take care of them - it's surely not something I can fight.  This battle has to be won through prayer.

I don't feel better about it, and won't fully until some sort of resolution comes about.  But, that will only happen by His grace and mercy.  Not by anything I do.  But, let me tell you, if resolution does happen, you can count on this girl giving Him the praise! 

 

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Sharing other blogs...
Posted on: 07/17/2007
Just sharing some other blogs of mine...

http://www.12stepspace.com/profiles/102325/

http://www.xanga.com/Returned_Here

http://profile.myspace.com/77020822

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-JJqzj_ojfrBZjPicfPrcUY8SVWys
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Boring Christian Music??? Make me laugh!! Godsmack
Posted on: 06/14/2007
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Music that inspires recovery - Creed - My Sacrifice
Posted on: 06/14/2007
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Remembering back
Posted on: 04/03/2007

I was reading a blog last night from someone I had recently "met" through the 12stepspace, and in reading her blog, I remembered myself.  Hearing her speak of how difficult it is in sleeping in early recovery, and the depression - the wondering if it ever gets better - was so much a recall of my early days in trying to stay sober & clean, when I had days that I could have easily said "the heck with it!"  (Back then, that was not the words I used....LOL!!)  Anyway, I remember the sleepless nighs, the battle of tossing & turning, wondering if I was going to make it through the day and HOW MANY days I could survive on NO sleep?  Yet, out there partying, I would come in at 4:00-4:30 am, sleep until 5am, get up and go do it again! 

Now that I was sober & clean, I was "feeling" it.  Not only that, but I was feeling a LOT of things.  Uncomfortable things that with drugs and alcohol I didn't have to experience.  They numbed my mind and I just went through my days with a zombie like existance of "numb....numb... numb."  Sober & clean, it wasn't that easy.  I was a mass of raw exposed nerves.  Hurting, angry, (rageful), discouraged, depressed, and uncomfortable in my own skin.  Life sucked and then you die...that's how I saw it.  Thank God that is not how it is today.

 One answer for me, was to eliminate caffine from my diet, and within a few days, I slept like a baby!!  I told a few friends, and they too tried it and began sleeping.  For some it was very quick, for others it was a few more days than mine, but it did help.  I introduced caffine back into my diet, but only in the morning.  Even now, when I have it in the afternoon or evening - I can count on loosing good quality sleep.

The rest of the things I was dealing with was taken care of by working the steps, by staying in meetings, by learning to "let go & let God."  I can't, He can - I think I'll let Him.

I am so grateful for those in the rooms who some coddled me, some scolded me, some empathized with me, and some put their foot in my behind.  It took all of them to see me through....every one of them were a very important part of my recovery. 

I was so panic stricken that if they knew me - REALLY knew me, they surely wouldn't like me.  I didn't like myself - how could they like me?? I had so many secrets that I wasn't planning on sharing with ANYONE! 

Today, the secrets are out!  I was what I was, I did what I did, but that doesn't define who I am today!  I have been able to forgive those who caused harm to me by learning to forgive their sick thinking that caused those sick actions.  The action itself wasn't that important - it was the sick thinking that caused it TO happen.  Have I ever had sick thinking?  Oh, yeah.  No doubt about that!!  I can remember a LOT of things that I have thought through the years that I really wouldn't want to repeat to others.  Some of it I acted on and some I didn't.  Can I forgive someone else for having sick thinking?  Yes.  It makes it easier when I see my own part too.

I have rambled long enough for today. 

 

 

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