Kissing & Driving

by Alan Cohen

"I saw a romantic greeting card which showed a couple kissing in the front

seat of a car. The message said, "'If you can kiss while driving safely, you

are not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.'  Anything that is worth

doing, is worth doing with a whole heart. And mind. And body.  We get into

trouble not because we do things that are wrong, but because we approach our

activities with divided intentions. Our body is doing one thing while our

heart is elsewhere. We go to jobs we'd rather not be at, we sleep with

people we don't love, we go to parties we secretly find boring or repulsive.

At the same time we love people we don't express our love for, we deny

ourselves food we would really enjoy, we have creative impulses we do not

follow, we know truths we do not act on.

I have a very simple definition of integrity: You are in integrity when what

you are doing on the outside matches who you are on the inside. I respect

people who live unapologetically. I know people who do things I don't agree

with, or wouldn't do myself, but I respect them for being 100% who they are.

They are in integrity.

In the movie City Slickers, a veteran cowboy named Curly teaches some

angst-ridden dudes some country wisdom. When things get tough, Curly raises

his index finger and nods. Eventually the city slickers figure out what he

meant: "Do one thing at a time. If you can really focus on what is right

before you, everything falls into place."  What is it, then, that makes our

lives qualitatively better? Presence.  Being 100% with what you are doing.

Approaching work, relationships, everything with a whole heart.  Be fully

present with whatever you are doing. When you are at work, that's all that

exists. When you are making love, make total love. When you are with your

kids, really be with your kids. One.

I noticed that when I did book signings, I felt rushed so I could

accommodate everyone in line. I was not fully present with some people

because I was aware of the people behind them in line. Then I realized that

I was cheating them and myself. So I decided to be fully present with each

person, and stay with them until I really connected with them. Suddenly book

signings became a delight. Now I love talking to people, touching them,

looking into their eyes.  Everything is like kissing and driving. If you're

driving, really drive. If you're kissing, really kiss."