It has been a very trying week this past week. My husband has been ill now for a couple of weeks, and the stress of taking care of him and trying to take care of myself has made things difficult with life!

But we have finally found out what is going on with Rick, and now we are trying to get into seeing a kidney doctor, since Rick was told that his kidneys were starting to fail again.

I am scheduled to have surgery 6 days after I come back home from California from our Christmas holiday vacation!

Other then that, there isnt much going on here in my life, just trying to take care of things around here daily, and be thankful that I have such wonderful friends for my support!

~Peace & Hugs!~

Jeanine

 Am I just going insane, or can I not find a place that tells where meetings in all states are being held at!

 I am always having a hard time trying to find a NA meeting here in my town, because there is such a low group of people that are admitting that they are addicts, and I think that the last group just folded because they didnt have enough people to come to the meetings to make it worth while.

 I do know that there are meetings about 30 miles from my town, but that is the one thing, I do not like driving 30 miles from my town, especially with winter coming up, and I do have a very hard time driving at night as it is.

  So can someone send me some kind of message & let me know if I really am loosing my mind, or if there is a place here on the site that gives meetings times for NA meetings!

~Hugs!~
Jeanine

  I just got done going thru next months bills....and I am thinking that the husband and I are going to have to have a very long discussion about budgeting our money, because it seems like every month, something gets passed up so that we can have a lil extra money, and I really hate having past due bills, with the way that I was raised! Because when I was growing up, my mom would make me answer their phone, and talk to the people who were calling to get their money for the bills that my parents had! I got so sick of that, and I have always been on a budget, because I have to have a payee for my disability, and when the check hits the bank I used to be up at her office bright & early, so that we could pay the bills that I had (which werent very many at all when I was single!) Then she would give me half of the money to go buy groceries & get my prescriptions and then I would have to wait til the 15th to get the rest of my money. That has always worked with me, but now that I am married, it seems like things have gone to shit with getting our bills paid on time, and I am getting sick of calling people or having them call us to remind us that we are behind in payments, and need to pay NOW!
  My husband took the checkbook away from me because at the time with my bipolar disorder being out of whack, I was going out and spending the money that we did have in the bank like it was nothing! And now we are basically livin paycheck to paycheck, and I am getting real sick of it!

I think that I am goin to have to sit down with the husband, and show him just how much money I am goin to be paying out of the check that I get on the 3rd, and then remind him that when I ask for a lil money for myself, that he has no reason to complain about me wanting money! Even though he says that my check is now "Our" money, but there are times that when we talk about things, it seems like he is saying that all of the money is his!

I have all of these thoughts going thru my head right now, and I really dont need to be worrying about this shit at all, because it will only stick with me all night long, and I will not be able to go to sleep! I have to go to a doctor later on today, although I almost cancelled yesterday afternoon, after my husband told me how much money we would have left after I make the 60 mile trip (that is just one way to the appointment!) But I am goin to try to turn the milage to this appointment in to my Human Services worker, and seeing if I cant get reimbursed for the mileage! Its worth a shot, and if they do grant the reimbursment, I am just goin to put it in our joint account to repay for the money that I spend later this afternoon to put gas in the car, and to get something to drink for the trip to and from home!

See I do have alot on my mind, and I havent even taken my meds yet! Its quarter to 2 in the morning, and I am wide awake yet! I feel like I have just drank 2 full pots of coffee in about 5 minutes! Well I have just taken my medication, so it will be about a half hour hopefully before the meds kick in, and I am ready to go to bed!

Not much else going on...just another day to get thru, and then another weekend to look forward to, and try to make it thru without any problems!

I hope that you all have a great day, and a great weekend! Til the next time that I check in and write another rambling blog about nothing at all!

~Peace~

Jeanine

P.S. The picture that is on my blog today is a picture that I bought for my husband for a late birthday present! His birthday was the 1st of October, and I know that he has a love for eagles, and is a proud Vietnam Era Veteran, so I thought that he would really love the picture! So I just bought it! lol!

But I just wanted to let everyone know what the photo was about!

~Peace~

Jeanine

Hello everyone!

  I hope that this finds you all doing well, and that your week has been blessed so far! Just think, 2 more days and it will be the weekend!

  Well I thought that I had better update you all as to what is goin on in my life right now....

  It has been almost a month now since I have had my "Momentary Lapse of Sanity!", and things are going really well in my mental health department! Ive been working with a wonderful therapist, my psychatrist, and some very wonderful friends who have been my support group thru this whole thing!

  But now...I am writing to you all with a brace on each arm, because I had found out that I have Carpal Tunnel, and the braces are helping me from having numb hands. All my fingers, just not the thumb and first 2 fingers get numb, my whole hand gets numb on both hands!

  My doctor had done the test where they run lil shockwaves thru your hands, and he told me that it would take atleast 24 hours for the test results to come back, but later that afternoon he called me, and told me that I did have some severe damage, and that he would like to have me see a surgeon to talk about things!

  Well my appointment with an orthopedic surgeon isnt until the 14th of November, so in the mean time, I am working with a chiropractor who I have been goin to for ages now because of problems with my back & hips, and he suggested that we work on my hands & wrists up until the day that I have to go and see the surgeon! I was all for that, because after he had done the first treatment with my hands, they felt a lil bit better then what they had.

  But I went out and bought one brace, after my chiropractor had told me to get a brace that would keep me from bending my hands, so that I didnt have to wake up several times a night and "wake" my hands up because they were so numb! Then I thought, "What the hell am I doing? I could have had my doctor prescribe 2 braces for my hands, so that I didnt have to pay for anything!" I guess I was just having a blonde moment! So I had him prescribe one for my right hand, and went to the medical supply store where he sent the prescription! They had a brace that fits me perfectly, and so I walked outta there with one good brace on my right hand, and one semi good brace on my left hand! Im goin back after I get done paying bills, and getting one for my left hand, because it isnt the right size, and I need one that fits real well, but for right now it is doing the job!

  The husband is doing well! He has an appointment the 6th of November to go and see his cardiologist up in Des Moines, because 6 years ago, Rick had to have a 5 way bypass surgery, and then have a pacemaker/defibilator put in him! Plus he is a type 2 diabetic, and he has COPD-Emphysema. So he has some health issues, and he told me that before we really started to date that he had health issues, and he would understand if I wouldnt want to be in his life! Well that didnt stop me now did it?

  We celebrated our 4 month anniversary as husband & wife on the 14th of this month, and my parents celebrated 43 years of being married on the 16th of this month!

  Well all I suppose that I had better stop rambling, I hope that you enjoy the picture, I think that it is very beautiful, and that is what it is about like here in Iowa right now! Autumn is here, and it has been so beautiful, the crisp chilly mornings, and the beautiful nites that we have had! I love all the seasons of the year, but I think that autumn & winter are my most favorite times of the year!

  Take care all & have a very wonderful day tomorrow!

~Peace, Hugs, & Respect!~
Jeanine

Hello everyone...

  I just thought that I would stop by and let you all know what has been goin on in my life lately.

  3 weeks ago...after trying to fight these feelings that I have been having for a long time, and asking time & time again for my psych dr to change my meds back to what I was on...I tried to commit suicide. I had a "Momentary Lapse of Sanity" and if it hadnt been for my wonderful hubby, I would be dead right now, but instead of listening to me, he took action, and called the ambulance.

  I spent a couple days in the hospital in a cardiac intensive care unit, and then a day at the hospitals psych unit. Ive been doing alot of work with my psych dr and a therapist. Things are getting alot better, and I am doing all the things that the head psych doctor from the hospitals psych unit and I talked about.

  I hope that everyone is doing well, and that you are all having a wonderful weekend!

~Peace~

Jeanine

   I would just like to say hi to everyone, and let you all know that I am new to this space. I havent had much time to go to alot of meetings lately because of my marriage, and my husbands health.

  But I do daily meditation, and think often of what I was taught while I was in recovery! I wish that the man who really helped me get my head outta my ass was still alive today, but he "killed" himself after getting a gift of life transplant, and going back to drinking and doing drugs  When I found that news out, I cried myself all the way home, because Tim was the one guy that wouldnt let me quit when I wanted to quit, and he had faith in me to help me get thru some of the difficult times.

  But now I have a very wonderful husband, Rick, who is 18 yrs older than I am, and we have been married for 3 months now. We married after knowing each other for 9 months! He is a wonderful man, and is very loving & trusting. He has faith in the way that I do things, and because I am Bipolar with Anxiety and PTSD, he really is a great man to have around, because he calms me when things are going shitty.

  Well I am going to end for now, but I will let you all know that I am going to be back, and that I will probably be doing alot of blogging on here. I hope that I get to meet some very wonderful memebers from this site, and that I will always have a friend around when I need one!

~Peace & Hugs!~
Jeanine