I hate going to work tomorrow...  I hate going to work everyday...  I haven't got anything in my life right now except work, but I wonder if I I'm really living the best way. 

I'm an anorexic...  Non 12 steps self help group that I belonged to for a while was for people who experienced difficulties in relationships.  I have come across various people, but no one was a s/l addict, not at least openly.  I've learned one more labels for myself in addition to s/l addiction, depression, anorexia and I wonder if or when it will ever end. 

I acted out again today, a second time within one month... Away from any S meetings, away from even non 12 steps self help group because it is time for me to move on..

I don't really know what caused me to act out.  I don't know why obsession returned.  The difference is I'm not as depressed as I used to be which may/may not be a good sign..

The non 12 steps meeting was a good group...  Open for any topics that members may be dealing with, the founders themselves were active members, and protecting the group.  I didn't want to be dependent on the group when I no longer really struggled with issues anymore...  I still do, but it is just time to move on.  

One of the leaders was like so happy with his life at a new location that I'm quite sure several members were offended.  He was sharing all the negatives associated with his move however, which sounded pretty difficult.

I have realized that I do not die even if I didn't act out or didn't have absolutely anybody in my life.  Well, I acted out today...  

I kind of rejoined the self help group out of boredom which turned out to be a mess.  I'm tempted to move back again and people may accept me, but what can a s/l addict share with men to whom only an absense of sex is a problem?  I really liked the group and miss them...  Maybe they were/are my homegroup... Wonder if I should've just dated one of them, but it wouldn't have solved real issues.

My feelings for my ex bf changed because of a recent mess with one member who reminded me he was not anyone evil, but only I or we was/were sick.  Turning from adoring my ex to totally detesting him is not healing.  I thought I was over my inability to trust people, but I  realized I have never quite trusted my ex.  I never trusted people that I dated.  It isn't that everyone is untrustworthy as acquaintances or friends, but dating/marriage require different kinds of trust.  Maybe I was never friends with my ex to begin with...