Well it has been an interesting couple of months, the chemo seems to be doing its job for my exwife, although it is also doing a number on her in the process. The end of March shortly after her third treatment she got an infection, which happens very easily because the chemo lowers your resistance. She went in the hospital on a Saturday, by Wednesday she was calling me to complain about being in the hospital, Friday she called in tears because they would not let her go home and Sunday she was released again.

 I talked to her boyfriend and he told me the her levels had gone from a 1500 before treatment, down to around 350 when they checked it while she was in the hospital. I know it is very hard to tell with cancer, but at least this is a very positive sign.

 My sons are doing okay, the 9 year old son seems to have his moments of acting out and I have been doing my best to talk to him and help him through it. Now my 15 year old son is handling it differently, in talking to him the other day he had told me that he didn't think his mother wanted him around because she said she was sick. He then told me that "something is always wrong with Mom". So we talked for a little while about this and he seemed to be better with it. The statement he made was in reference to his mothers addiction and continual relapses, to often we do not see or realize how deeply we hurt those around us when we are in our disease. 

I have been told ever since I first walked into the rooms that God will not give me more then I can handle. Over the years this theory has been tested again and again.

 I have two son's ages 15 and 9. In August we had to put they family dog Max to sleep, he would have been 14 years old on December 7 2006 and he was an important family member. He was like one of my kids and it was very hard for the boys and myself. In November they lost their Gandfather (my exwifes father) to cancer.

 In just two days after the funeral we found out their mother has ovarian cancer. The prognosis is not very cheery, they have given her four months - four years to live. If the chemo therapy and radiation help it could prolong the time she has left. My first reaction was to look to the Lord and say WTF these are only children and they need their mother. At this point she has gotten very frail looking and she has lost most of her hair. Even though we are divorced I would never want to see anything bad happen to her. As one of my best friends in the rooms said, it is okay to be angry at God he is a big boy he can handle it. I know there is nothing I can do, but I just do not like to see my children getting hurt. Some things are just a little easier to face then others. 

 I guess my point to this is sometimes I just wish my higher power whom I choose to call God did not think I had such broad shoulders. So to all of my friends who have not seen me on here in a while, now you know why.

 Good night and God bless