I went to the memorial service this afternoon. I'm a morbid person, I guess, because I can deal with funeral services a hell of a lot easier than I can wedding ceremonies.

Right now, all I want to do is cry. I am very discouraged because the company that handles my disability payments are EXTREMELY slow. I know that God has his eyes on the sparrows, but I think he has forgotten about me.

I had better financial stability when I was drinking. Now, it seems that everything is falling to pieces around me. And, I don't understand why. I am sober. I attend my meetings, I pray, I work with other alcoholics.

It seems that everything lately is falling to pieces. My whole life.

And, I wonder if anyone would really care if I wasn't around? I am one of about several billion people on this worthless rock.

All I have is myself, all I am is me. I have nothing else to offer anyone. And, I don't feel like saying I am happy right now when I feel so sad.

I keep praying, "thy will be done". I don't think God is listening, and my prayers are bouncing off the heavens. All I hear are the words I am praying, and it is like yelling into a canyon. It echoes around me.