Sometimes it is hard for people to get it. Recovery speak has become my first language. I have worked the steps, I live them for the most part, as well as any human can.
I know me and I know when I am crashing and sometimes I don't even care that I'm crashing! I get sick of people aka Laura trying to read between the lines. Why can't I just say what is on my mind. I can't be sick for fear I will be left alone, I can't disagree, because there will be an argument that will end in tears, I can't have an opinion, because themI am judgmental, I can't just want to be held, because then I'm whiney and or needy. What's the bottom line? I don't feel well; Fibro sucks, I want to start to make plans and make memories; because the old ones are getting OLD, I get scared sometimes, because behaviors change for a while, communication is good, I feel at home in your heart and then old patters resurface and I walk around in a silent storm with a silent scream billowing in my head and in my throat. Sometimes I just want a hug and other times I do want more. I miss you close to me. I miss the passion we once had to express our love for one another. I might have Fibro, but I'm not dead.
Prayers for Peace,
Nicol
PS I'm glad that I found RR and I truly think that it is going to help me feel better. So how do I qualify now? Hi my name is Nicol and I am a ACOA, COE, CODA and I am SS (sugar sensitive). I guess that is what it all boils down to. At least I know what the deal is, now I just need to keep walk'en along on this journey and having faith in God's love and plan for me.
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Today's thought from Hazelden is:
Acceptance
When we have given our lives back to our Higher Power, we gradually learn to accept what happens to us as part of the plan. Most of us made a mess of trying to run our own lives. We are amazed at how much better things go when we acknowledge that the Power greater than ourselves is in control.
Every experience, the bad one as well as the good one, becomes an opportunity to learn and to serve. We may not like what it is that we are given to do or to feel on a particular day, but we learn to accept it as necessary for our growth. We can look back and see that we have learned even more from our failures than from our successes.
When we accept our lives and ourselves as part of God's creation, we are open to the work of God's spirit and love. Then positive change and growth become possible.
Teach me to accept Your will.
