It's okay for me to ask for help~

It is embarrassing and shameful to let others know I have needs. As a youngster, I got the message to hurry and grow up. I learned that asking for help brought either disaster or disappointment. It is important for me to learn to ask for the care I need, to know that caring for myself is sometimes a task that is too large for just one person.

Sometimes I need help to make it through. Sometimes I need the physical strength of one, the electronic know-how of another, the legal or medical advice of yet another. Sometimes I need a hug or a listening ear.

Others are willing give...If I will only ask.

                                   ~~Rokelle Lerner~~

 (I really need some guidance and support myself right now~having a really hard time wanting to stay sober~well, actually I WANT to, but, shit, it's BS when I say the addict in me is becoming stronger than I am~just sharing some honesty, so go ahead and ream me out if you have a need for that, or maybe just lend some support~I love you all & I don't want to die~~~)

Today I will let go of my need to control~

Life in my chaotic family was like living in a stagecoach pulled by a team of wild horses. I felt that if I didn't keep a tight rein on everything, we would all go tumbling over the edge into oblivion.

Having pulled back on the reins without letup for so many years, my hands don't know how to let go. I feel I have to control every aspect of life or I will be smashed to death on the rocks below.

Today I will begin to let go of the reins. As my fingers loosen, the reins drop slackly into my lap. No longer straining against the harsh pull of the bit, the horses begin to slow down and find their own way. They stop in a meadow and put their heads down to eat the sweet grass. I take the halters off their necks and they prance with joy at their freedom. I relax enjoying my own freedom. As the sun sets, I harness the horses and start back down the path. I trust them to find their own way home.

                                 ~~Rokelle Lerner~~

I pay attention to my feelings~

I need to pay attention to my fellings instead of cutting them off. It's important for me to take my feelings seriously. Am I sad? Yearning? Angry?

As a child I was taught to deny my feeling. My anger was bad, it might hurt somone. I shouldn't be too happy, I might be disappointed. Don't be sad, think of something nice. Constantly bombarded by messages to deny, I found it easier and safer to shut off my feelings than to explore them.

Now there is a big part of me that I don't know or understand. Paying attention to my feelings can help me open that door.

My emotions are fluid and they lead me inward to the souce of my wisdom and power.

Today I choose to laugh!~~

Too often I take life too seriously. There wasn't much laughter in my childhood. Misery is so comfortable that I sometimes create a crisis where there is none.

Today I will focus on laughter. Perhaps I'll rent a funny movie and invite a lighthearted friend over to watch it with me.

Laughter does not mean I am denying my painful past. Laughter means I see the future from a new perspective, understanding it is my choice to be happy or unhappy. I will let my happy child within emerge today to rekindle my playful spirit. My past may affect my future but it does not govern it.

The choices I make today will determine my future. And today I choose to laugh.

                            ~~Rokelle Lerner~~

I can be who I am without shame~~

I feel the exhilerating freedom today of letting my inner self be reflected in my outer self. I can be myself around others without the slightest shame, for I am a wonderful person.

The wounded child within me is deathly afraid to reveal who he really is. The shaming messages of childhood still terrorize him: "Your're worthless! You're no good!" He is convinced that if anyone discovered who he really is, he would be rejected.

As an adult in recovery, I now realize that  my fears are not based on reality. I have selected friends who know the real me and I am still loved and accepted.

Today I will give up the time-consuming addiction of creating a false image. I love who I am and will live as I am today without shame.

I will take the pressure off myself~

"Do more!" "Accomplish more!" These messages from my childhood have driven me all my life. As a child, I could never do enough to please my parents. The standards they set were always higher than those I had already achieved. The core of these messages was that I wasn't good enough as I was. I had to do more and be more to be acceptable. Yet no one is standing over me demanding that I do more. Now the pressure that I'm under is pressure that I am putting on myself.

Today I will break this vicious cycle before I blow like the engine of a race car pushed far beyond its limits. I will reassure my inner child that she is wonderful just the way she is; she has nothing to prove to anyone any longer. Today I will take the pressure off myself and experience the wonderful freedom of being human, not a machine.

I am empowered to heal the painful parts of my life~

My life as a child was very painful. To survive, I constructed a reality for myself built on wishes. After a while I began to live as if my fantasy were real. Living in a fantasy allowed me to deny some truths about my life.

It's time now to stop pretending. I know that if I continue to pretend things are better or different than they really are. I never resolve my hurt. By living in fantasy, I only put off my grieving. I will continue to experience pain as long as I live in my expectations instead of my reality.

I am strong enough now to accept the difference between fantasy and reality. I can acknowledge and confront my  pain, past and present. My acceptance of my reality empowers me to heal the painful parts of my life.

I am content to grow at my own pace~

Some babies crawl when they are five months old. Some do not crawl until much later. Some babies are petite, some are husky. Some are placid, content to gurgle and coo. Others are active, forever reaching for this toy or that. If allowed to be themselves, babies will grow at their own pace. Comparisons are needless, for when they become adults no one will know whether they crawled early or late, were petite or husky, were placid or active.

I, too, can grow at my own pace, without comparing myself with others. I accept that there will always be those who grow faster and those who grow slower than I. Who I am and what I am are no longer conditional on my rate of growth. Today I will continue to take one step at a time, enjoying the pace set by my inner child.

                                    ~~Rokelle Lerner

I weave the pattern of my life~

I weave the pattern of my life. I hold the threads, I choose the colors, I put them on the loom in the pattern of my choosing.

When I make a mistake, I do not scold myself for being a bad weaver. Nor do I rip out my work in anger and frustration. I rejoice, because each mistake gives me the opportunity to create a pattern that is uniquely mine, rich with the turnings and twistings of my life.

My work will never be finished but will grow ever richer and more beautiful.

                                      ~~Rokelle Lerner

The child within asks, "Who am I really?"

In my family of origin, I played the inappropriate role of caretaker. As a child, I could not refuse this role but inside I felt hollow and dishonest. I also observed my parents denying their alcoholism and disguising their reality in public. Their behavior at home was often violent and bizarre and I felt confused and angry.

Today I am finding my own integrity. At work, at home, with friends in the community, I am authentic and congruent. Through my recovery, I can distinguish between appropriate roles and dishonest behavior.

I am gradually replacing my cynicism with trust in my genuine self.

I can say no~

When I was a child, I was afraid to say no. I saw my parents withdraw their love and attention when I was not compliant. I truly believed kids who said, "If you don't do such and such, I won't be your friend anymore." As I grew up, I harbored more and more resentment and continued to let others determine my limits. I have spent far too much of my life agreeing to do unpleasant things just because I was afraid of not being loved.

In my recovery, I no longer am paralyzed with fear. I can say no. I believe in my own wisdom, my own rights, my own abitlity to make decisions that are right for me. I know that a friend who threatens to leave me if I disagree, was never my friend at all. My real friends support my right to make decisions in my own best interest.

                                               ~~~Rockelle Lerner

Today I will do what is right for me~

As a child, I often changed what I wanted to do because others didn't want to do it. I changed what I felt because others told me not to feel it. This adaptability has carried over into my adult life. Yes, the ability to adapt is good but my tendency is to drop everything to please someone else. Life is a balancing act. Just as a toddler must learn to balance to walk, so too must I learn to balance so I can become me.

Today I will take my first toddler step toward learning how to balance my adaptability and my needs. I will let my feelings be mine and not worry about what others think or feel. Not bending to anyone's "you should feel," I will honor my feelings for what they are. I will attempt to strike balance between what others want to do and what I want to do.

Just for today I will not be a "people pleaser;" instead I will do what is right for me.

My inner child heals through grieving~

Today I will accept my inner child's sadness. Occasional bouts of melancholy are my inner child's way of healing through grieving. I will not fear this feeling when it comes; I may cry, for tears often cleanse the soul of its residue of sadness.

As an adult child, I may always feel a lingering depression. There may always be a 'hole' inside me that nothing can quite fill. Maturity means coming to accept life on its own terms - even if that entails learning to live with a sense of loss - without concluding that there's something 'wrong' with me.

The child within me was told that sadness was unacceptable. Today I will allow him the freedom to feel sad. As he grieves, I will love and comfort him. Despite the losses of yesterday, this day glistens before me with all the rich hues of hope and promise.

I release my inner child from the task of knowing everything~

My inner child is an investigator. Asking questions is a major part of growing-up. What, who, when, why, how, how long? Each question is valid. Answers may not always be available, but questions are the beginning of knowledge and wisdom.

Growing up in my dysfunctional family, I had to guess a lot of the time. Questions were dangerous so I learned to ask as few as possible. There still exists an inner child who is afraid to ask questions. In a group of people, I still become shameful when I don't understand what is being discussed. I still experience the fear of being exposed as stupid or inadequate.

Today I will release myself from the impossible task of knowing everything. I will ask questions at work and at home, gathering information instead of making assumptions.

I will be fully present today~

As a child growing up in a chaotic family I learned to go numb when bad things happened. I escaped into a fantasy world where I could have control and not be afraid. This survival mechanism served me well as a child but chokes my spirit as an adult.

I realize that I need to be fully present to experience life. Instead of viewing life from a distance, I need to take risks, cultivate eccentricity and open myself  to my feelings. As I get closer to finding my true essence, my life becomes worth living and I can be proud of it.

Whatever I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it. Today I will coax myself into action. I will express my talents and capabilities as I allow myself to experience life.

Today I look forward to a rich and rewarding old age~

Today I will look forward to growing older. Just as I value the richness of my inner child's growth, so, too, do I value the promise of the growth to come in old age.

While growing up, I absorbed the negative messages about aging fed to me by my culture and my family. I equated strength and self worth with youthful vigor and attractiveness. My attempts to look younger than my years served only to accentuate my fear.

Now I can look all around me and find role models in seniors who join the Peace Corps, write novels or run a marathon. Today I will invision myself in vigorous old age, serving as a role model for all my juniors. I know that I will never stop growing.

Today I envision a life of happiness~

Today I will use my imagination to visualize blessings in my life instead of catastrophe. When my inner child reacts in fear, I will gently reassure her by deliberately fixing my imagination on scenes of goodness and hope.

Throughout the chaotic years in my dysfunctional home, I became quite skilled at visualizing imaginary scenes in my mind. Unfortunately, the scenes I imagined usually reflected the atmosphere of fear in my home. The fears of my inner child are still with me. They provide the dark materials for my imagination to dwell upon. Often I become obsessed with thoughts of disaster.

Today I will consciously focus on thoughts of blessings and future health. I will envision a life of happiness for myself in every aspect.

I can confront what frightens me~

For too long now I have behaved like a fearful child hiding behind his mother's skirts. I have let my fears rule my life, preventing me from doing what my heart tells me to do. I use my fear as a way to protect myself from things I do not want to face.

Today I will no longer close my eyes to things I do not want to see. I am ready to open my eyes and, with a calm steady gaze, confront the heart of the beast. I am surprised by what I see. It is not the horrible monster I was expecting. Instead I see a lost, lonely, fightened child, a part of myself left out in the cold for too long. I ask him what he wants from me and he replies, "I only want to be let in, clothed, fed and kept warm."

I take him in my arms and say, "Don't be afraid. You're with me now." I feel my fear crumble between my fingers like dry paper and blow away.

Today I will trust my Higher Power to guide me~

Winnie the Pooh,  on a blustery day, found himself pinned beneath some furniture when the world seemed to turn upside down. While waiting for the storm to stop, he wrote a little song to help pass the time in a pleasant fashion.

Storms of rage and self-hatred blow into my life, turning everything I've worked for upside down. My thoughts and emotions battle for control, leaving me feeling quite hopeless. The harder I try, the stronger the storms grow.

Perhaps I cannot always dispel the storms. Some storms must be lived through. So today I will choose to write my own song of sorts. I may take a walk in the park. I may vent my feelings to a trusted friend. I may run, swim or ride a bike. Through it all, I will trust my Higher Power to hold me up  and keep me from drowning. In the end, the storm will be a blessing, for I will learn something of lasting value.

I am healing the shame of my inner child~

Today I will seek to love the little one within. I want to help heal her of the shame she carries. I will describe all the special qualities I see in her -  her intelligence, sense of humor, curiosity and kindheartedness.

The messages I received growing up in my dysfunctional family left me feeling shameful about my identity. I never received the unconditional love that would have reassured me that I was an acceptable person. Consequently, I have spent my whole life trying to hide my shame, behind a facade. I submerged myself in my work or in a relationship or in the role of parent. I threw myself into the pursuit of perfection, seeking to bury my inner shame beneath a flurry af activity.

Yet as I have grown to love and respect myself more, I clearly see how destructive it is to avoid my shame by running from it. Today I will remove the facade and speak to my inner child. "You are a beloved child of God. You don't have to hide from anyone any more."

Today I will contemplate the source of my strength~

The house is quiet. My heart is not, My children lie sleeping on this hot afternoon. The blinds gently slap the windows.

Evidence of my successes hangs on the wall before me. Symbols of the love of friends lie here and there on my desk. Encouraging words are placed about where I can easily see them. Yet past successes, the love of friends and encouraging words don't seem to help me break through the uneasiness, dissatisfaction and fear.

So I will take time out to talk to my Higher Power. I need to hand over, one by one, the things that are disturbing my peace. I give them in exchange for a new peace that can come only from meditating on the source of my strength.

Today my child within and I reach for the stars!~

Sometimes I let opportunities pass. I'm afraid to take risks and try new things. The opportunity to make a new friend frightens me. What if he or she hurts me? The opportunity to advance in a new job only makes me aware of my inadequacies. could I really move to a new town? Could I really do the work?

The opportunity to become emotionally healthy is equally as frightening. What if it hurts too much? What if I learn things I never really wanted to know? Yet my child within is bubbling over with energy today, daring me to exceed my limits and try new things.

Today I will seek new opportunities. I will take  a risk and reach for the stars, remembering that courage comes from facing fear and going ahead anyway. I will make the most of every opportunity, discovering the energy that comes with action.

I am learning the art of being with others~

Healthy children learn to assert themselves when they need companionship. They can name their loneliness, walk into a room and enjoy the mere prescence of other people around them.

The aloneness that I experienced growing up in my addicted family was often too much to bear. Sometimes I felt like a nuisance if I needed my parents' attention. Other times I had to entertain or perform to earn their presence. Feeling alone in a house full of people was devastating.

Today I will fulfill my desire to connect with others. If I am working alone or at home and want company, I may invite a friend or family member to join me. I am learning the art of being with others in comfortable silence instead of frenetic anxiety.

I am capable of finding companionship in my life. I meet this need simply and with confidence.

I can express my anger in a healthy way~

Sometimes my anger overwhelms me. Because as I was growing up I saw too many scenes of rage and violence, I vowed never to show my anger to anyone.

Yet sometimes I feel as if I have a two-year-old inside who wants to kick and scream and bite and tear. I become scared of my own rage and helpless to comfort this child within.

From now on when I feel like tearing up the world, I will envision my rampaging two-year-old. I will gently embrace him to keep him from hurting himself, until his rage loses its power. I feel the rigidity leave his body. He allows sadness to wash over him and grows stronger as he is allowed to verbalize his anger.

As I learn to disarm my rage, I can be clearer and more direct with my anger. I can learn to express emotions in a healthy way.

I will grant myself a pardon for past mistakes~

Today I will come down from the attic of my past. I have living up there for too long, sorting through a chest of old rags, rags of guilt and shame. Critical voices from my childhood contributed most of the rags in the chest - voices that told me I was never good enough, that I must always do more or be more to be acceptable. The voices of shame from my childhood are the voices of my dysfunctional parents.

Today I will replace their voices with a new voice, that reminds me of all the wonderful qualities God has given me. I will soothe my pangs of guilt over past failures by pardoning myself for being less than perfect. In doing so, I will absolve my inner child.

Today I will come down from the attic of my past and shut the door firmly behind me. I no longer have to live in the past. The sunshine and joy of life are waiting for me.

I can communicate without yelling~

In my chaotic family, someone was always shouting. We didn't discuss things rationally or speak quietly. Whoever could yell the loudest was the one who got heard. Whoever could shout the other down, won. This is what I learned to call communication.

Today I will listen to my inner child. He does not shout to be heard or verbally bully others into submission. He expresses himself clearly and succinctly, even in anger. As I listen to him, he learns to listen to me. Together we begin to communicate.

I can be content when I am alone~

I will be content today inside or outside a committed relationship. As I have progressed in my recovery, I have grown to like myself more and more. My contentment with myself has given me a new freedom to e alone without panic or depression.

At times my inner child has driven me to cling to relationships to fill the need for belonging, a need that was never met in my dysfunctional family. I have come to see that I must create a place of belonging within myself, before I can ever share a home with someone else.

As part of my growth, I have become the loving, responsible parent my inner child never had. I have also learned to take time for myself. I use this time to enjoy life and to be with many friends without clinging to any one exclusive relationship. Today I will be happy with myself and with the richness of the life I am creating, whether I am alone or with someone else.

I am filled with spiritual riches and live an abundant life~

I possess a wealth of wisdom to identify the needs of my inner child. I am richly endowed with courage to face my feelings and express them directly. consequently, I do not substitute unconditional love for my inner child with expensive cars or stereo systems. I do not stuff my feelings inside a closet crammed with clothes or gadgets. My abundant inner power fills me with peace of mind.

In my dysfunctional family I was deprived of nurturing. As an adult child, I avoided feeling the pain of deprivation through addictive behaviors. I tried to fill my emptiness with things rather than heal myself from within.

Today I will give the child within me the gifts of inner riches. I am filled with healing energy and peace of mind. I am rich in spiritual resources and I live an abundant life.

I will celebrate the joy of being myself~

My self-image is a collage made up of an odd assortment of individuals. Everyone I've ever wanted to be lives there, along with everyone I've been afraid of being. Hero and bum, saint and sinner, all take their turns in dominating both how I see myself and how I act.

My inner child, who is the heart of my true self, is neither a hero nor a bum. Each extreme arises from shame. The hero drives me to be more that I really am to prove my acceptability and my worth. The bum is merely a twisted product of the critical voices from my childhood, not a true reflection of me at all.

Today I will take another step on my journey toward wholeness by erasing both the heroes and the bums from my self-image. I am a human being - nothing more, nothing less. Today I will celebrate the joy of being myself - unique, special and acceptable just as I am.

My happiness comes from within and I share it with others~

Entering into a relationship with the expectation that another person can make me happy and content is a setup for failure. As a child, I believed that I was responsible for the unhappiness of my parents. I thought I needed to live up to their idea of a model child. I spent my days searching for something I could do to make their lives better.

Today I will let go of my need for others to live up to my ideals. I do not have the right to impose my expectations on anyone else. Today I will start relieving others of the responsibility for making me happy. I deserve a relationship, not to make me happy but in order to share the richness of who I am with another.

As I learn to recognize and meet my own needs, I depend less on others to fill me up. As I nurture my inner child, I become freer to engage with another in a healthy way.

I will be gentle with the scared child within~

A child is crying. When I cannot hear the sobs, my inner child hides in a closet, under a tree or in the attic. But she is there, weeping for what is lost, what never was, what never can be.

My inner child hides, afraid to be hurt again, feeling safe only in her hiding place. Yet alone she will find no solace. She needs to be comforted, loved and reassured. "You are a wonderful person." "I will take care of you." "I'm so happy you are here, alive and growing."

Children who have been hurt are shy and afraid to trust. Trust comes with gentle, persistent patience. So I, too, will have gentle, persistent patience with the frightened child within me. I will encourage her to come out where I can hold her, nurture her and give her a reason to trust. Today I will care for myself by comforting my inner child.

I can relax without guilt~

Sometimes I feel out of control, driven relentlessly by an unending cycle of activity. When this happens, I sense a desperate little girl running from room to room trying to find somone to hold her.

Yet whenever I want to slow down and take it easy, critical voices from my childhood lash out, "Lazy, good-for-nothing!" I know that when I let myself be driven by these inner voices, I am still trying to please an unseen audience from my past.

Tonight I will relax without guilt. I will lie back in my most comfortable chair and enjoy my favorite music or daydream in front of a cozy fire. Tomorrow I will sit in the sun and do nothing, letting all my tensions evaporate. I will begin to take one day at a time as an important step toward taking care of myself.

My little dog Winnie died, after spending all night Thursday, on the bathroom floor with her, while she lost all physical control & I lost all emotional control~at least she died with the arms of love wrapped around her~I am so sad, this is a really tough one to handle~so, I found the reading from my book that is about grieving~( right now this really does NOT help me, but maybe later it will sink in~today I do NOT see hope & promise~~I just cry & miss my Winnie tagging along beside me where ever I go~there's a blank spot in my life today~I need to know this will pass~~I LOVE AND MISS YOU WINNIE!~~~

My inner child heals through grieving~

Today I will accept my inner child's sadness. Occasional bouts of melancholy are my inner child's way of healing through grieving. I will not fear this feeling when it comes; I may cry, for tears often cleanse the soul of its residue of sadness.

As an adult child, I may always feel a lingering depression. There may always be a "hole" inside me that nothing can quite fill. Maturity means coming to accept life on its own terms - even if that entails learning to live with a sense of loss - without concluding that there's something "wrong" with me.

The child within me was told that sadness was unacceptable. Today I will allow her the freedom to feel sad. As she grieves, I will love and comfort her. Despite the losses of yesterday, this day glistens before me with all the rich hues of hope and promise.

Today I will protect my feelings with healthy reflexes~

Reflexes protect the body. A sneeze helps to blow dust and other irritants out of the nose. Shivers warm the body with quick muscle movements. Reflexes are outside the realm of conscious control.

In recovery, I am developing emotioanl reflexes that protect me. I am aware of put-downs that people make in conversations. I sense my discomfort and the