Saying goodbye never gets any easier than it did two years ago with my mom. The only difference is this time, I'm not having to drink over it....

"Doc" O. was a loved "old timer" in my home group. He would have had 30 years on Oct. 18th. Being 80 years old, he had lived a life compared to a saint. He truly was a saint here on earth. "sit down and shut up" is what the new comers often heard. He didn't want anyone to miss any help that they could grasp in those first meetings they were attending.

I, the "aa brat" of my group, came to love him with all my heart. He was much like my grandpa. He named me the "aa brat" but would always wink and whisper "but the the bratty ones are the ones I love the most!" as he walked off. He had a heart of gold. He walked the walk. He was a truly a blessing in everyones life.

He owned "Doc's Barber Shop" down the street from the AA meeting hall for 40 years. 4 generations of familys went to that shop. He only cut boys hair, and he only had one cut. I use to sit up there as a little girl and watch my older brother get in the stool, he'd ask you how you wanted your hair cut as he began shaving away!

I moved away, and when I came back to visit, he always had a huge smile with an " i love you heather" to follow. I remember once I moved back to this small town, he would always say, " you know, there's a seat ready for you next to me up at that little meetin' hall with your name on it."

My first meeting, he held his arms out and said "welcome home squirrel, welcome home"

Doc will be greatly missed by many in my little town. I can see him now, walking in with his cane, taking off his suit coat, his hat, and hanging both of them on the hat rack. (which he bought solely for his hat). Tonight at the 6 oclock meeting, there hung his hat. With a note taped on the wall next to it...

"If no one has told you today, let me be the first. I love you. All of you. Keep carrying the message."

His stregnth and hope, and faith in this program is part of the roots of my hope and faith. Yes, I hurt today, but I don't have to drink over it. That's what I've learned. I refuse to deny myself the oppurtunity to feel. I WILL get through this. One day at time, without a drink.

I love you Doc....thank you for sharing your light with me...

"If no one has told you today, let me be the first, I love you"